What’s “Fear” in Parenting and relationships?

Fear!

It’s one of the worst four letter words in our language! Fear holds us back from so many things that could be great in our lives. Fear makes us procrastinate. Fear makes us physically sick. Fear holds us back from being great people and doing great things be it is business, relationships, hobbies, and so much more! FEAR is and ENEMY. I’m sorry to be so harsh, but let’s tell it like it is … Fear SUCKS! If you have to look at Fear in a positive mode, you will agree with me that there are certainly times that fear can be a useful protective mechanism. Fear here could be regarded in lines of parenting or toward taking steps towards decisions in our business.

So many people read, study, go to seminars, and basically know all there is to know about investing in their children. They may even participate regularly on and have every intention of being a good parent, but they have never stood up to say I did it!!!! Why? You guessed it, FEAR! Fear of the unknown, fear of being successful (yes this is a real one!), fear of failing, fear of being embarrassed, fear of sounding dumb, fear of being controlling, fear of being proud, the list can be long. When we are scared, we make many excuses to avoid doing the things we fear. The ironic part is that most times our fears are unwarranted. On the other side of those fears are the very things we desire in life. We just need to begin.

Basic Steps for Overcoming Fear

Ask yourself: what is the actual fear holding me back from?
Getting clear helps you know exactly what fear(s) you need to overcome.

Ask yourself: Is my fear real and truly warranted?
What’s the worst that can happen? Will my life be over if I proceed? Probably not!

Write out an action plan to reach your goal.

Many of us do much better with a written plan. It will relieve your anxiety. Try it!

Take small baby steps every day.

Trap yourself.
Parenting is a fun journey, you won’t have time to be scared, you’re too busy pushing and being pushed through the steps because the pressure from your children, friends and relatives is on!

Be accountable to someone else.
Find someone who you trust that will be there to hold you accountable to make sure you keep moving forward, EVEN IF YOU’RE SCARED! That person could be a friend, a partner or even your own children.

However for every woman and man, our fears are most often related to failing our spouses and children.

Don’t Fail them by not practicing innovative Parenting. Learn and work on your existing skills to not fail them.

Sexual Abuse. Want to teach your children some safety tips?

I have always wondered how best to educate my children on self awareness and life skills. I have always thought that as a prayerful family, God will always watch out for us. But after all, I now think that talking is important. I think that it is of essence to let our children know about themselves, their body parts and who should or should not see, let alone touch their body parts.

I cannot help but think about the rise in childhood sexual abuse around the world.

here are some tips on how to help kids know their selves.

1. Teach children to listen to their gut or intuition. Most kids have an excellent radar on people. They can determine who feels safe and who does not ...listen to them. As adults, we tend to minimize what our children think. This is not helpful.

Our children must believe in themselves and listen to what their intuition tells them. Do not expose your children to people they have a bad intuition about. 

2. Talk about safety and secrets. As a rule, I believe we should never teach kids to keep secrets. If you are planning a party for someone, teach kids that this is a surprise. Surprises are good, secrets are usually bad. Begin at an early age at discussing what to do if someone tells a child to keep a secret. Because most child molesters are known to the victim, this is a common phrase: "It's our little secret." 

3. Do not be afraid to ask the tough question. When we as adults can't handle talking about a tough topic like sexual abuse, how in the world can we expect our children to handle it? Thus, do not be afraid to ask the question, "Has anyone ever hurt you or made you feel uncomfortable?" Then, be prepared for the answer.

If the answer is yes, do not freak out! Be supportive and comforting. Listen, use less words. Then, let your child know: "we will figure this out as we go along." 

4. Educate children about sexual abuse. A standard rule to use with children is "no one can touch your private parts except you. Mommies and daddies can help you if you are feeling sick and sometimes doctors need to check out our private parts, but always with a mommy or daddy in the room."  Even the smallest of children can understand this. I talk with little kids this golden rule: anywhere your bathing suit covers up is a private part. This helps them know the boundaries. 

 

5. Healthy touch is crucial to positive  development

hugs and snuggles, wrestling and high fives. Teach kids what healthy touch is about. Teach them who is appropriate to get touched from and how they can get it.

For example, do you hug every person you know? What if someone touches you and you feel uncomfortable? How do you handle someone getting in your space?

6. Be aware, tuned in and conscientious. Notice if things change in your children such as eating habits, mood or sleep. Tune into emotions and make sure that you know what they are about. Parents who are tuned into their children will pick up on subtle changes and address them quickly. Most sexual offenders "groom" people or spend time building relationships before they harm someone.

This may not be my original aritcle as  credit it to Your Tango, But kkeep watching this space as you and your children grow.

Victorine Mbongshu Ntambo

Letter from God to Moms

And I think every child will like to write this in their own version to their mothers too.

Dear Women,

When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being. When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils. But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man.

I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity.

From one bone, I fashioned you. I chose the bone that protects man's life. I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him as you are meant to do. Around this one bone, I shaped and modeled you. I created you perfectly and beautifully.

Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile. You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart.

You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be held close to him.

You are My perfect angel, My beautiful little girl. You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, and My eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart.

Your eyes ... don't change them. Your lips ... how lovely when they part in prayer. Your hands so gentle to touch. I've caressed your face in your deepest sleep. I've held your heart close to mine. Of all that lives and breathes, you are most like me.

Adam walked with me in the cool of the day, yet he was lonely. He could not see me or touch me. He could only feel me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with me, I fashioned in you; My holiness, My strength, My purity, My love, My protection and support. You are special because you are an extension of Me.

Man represents my image, Woman my emotions.

Together, you represent the totality of God.

Remember I love you, God

Making us Laugh out Loud

Synclaire my two years old busy bee makes me laugh out urine now and then.
OK while pregnant for Sydney, we were watching TV with daddy lying on the couch while I was lying on the floor cos I could hardly find a comfortable position. She was in turn moving around between us.
After a short while hubby asked me if I was comfortable. I ignored him, so my lil one asked "daddy what did you say?"
Daddy said to her "ask your mother if she is comfortable"
Lil girl went "Mummy are you com, com, com, mommy what is your name?"
She can now pronounce the word but hey, I could not stop laughing as she startled.

Pregnant and Driving During Contractions

Many pregnant women if not all will attest that be them false or real, contractions can catch us unaware and can do so any where any time, any how. It could be while you are laughing, crying, singing or paying. When pregnant, I have had bumpy rides while my contraction attacks are on. It is scary though but ... what choice do we have?
If you can share, just tell me what has your experience been?

Our Happy Home is still being built

My husband and I own a skills development/workplace training company with 30 full time and 8 part-time employees. After his PhD in 2009, my husband quit his job and joined me on a full time basis to run our company. This is partially because we had 3 kids already and I was not coping on my own and bacause we realised that working as a team, we could do better. It has been the best choice we ever made. We work well as a team and though I will like to have as much rest and as much time spent with my four kids than initially envisaged, I just can't because this company has just turned 5 years old and still in a learning curve of business.
my husband is putting in all his time and efoort to see that all goes well. We are sure seeing the reward of hard work and of working as a team.
I thank God for the man I married and do hope that we leave long and healthy to harvest what we are planting today.

Sydney's Entry to this world: Our world; our home

The story goes that I was tired of waiting and expecting to wake up to labour every night. On Sunday the 4^th of Dec, I decided to pass by the chemist and get some castor oil. Yes i did get it but contemplated for a long time on whether or not to take it. Finally at 09:10pm, I took two tablespoons full at a gulp. At this point, My intention is to take two more spoons should I not be in labour by the next day.

I waited until just after 11pm and with no sign of labour, I decided to go to bed. To my surprise, I woke up to pains at 11:30pm. I went to pee and then back to bed. At about 11:45, I woke up to yet another pain, this time it felt like cramps but I was not too sure.

I went back to bed and up again at midnight. At each of these periods, i went to pee; not just because i wanted to but also because i was checking for signs of spotting.

At this point (at about 12:20), I could not sleep anymore. Yet I was not sure on whether or not I was in labour. The pain however has changed into very painful and intense contractions. At 01:05, I went and got some juice in case of vomiting or soft stool. It was a difficult walk in and out of rooms.

At about 01:55 I woke up to the urge to poop. Yes i did poop generously and now the discomfort was unbearable. Unable to go back to sleep, I decided to start documenting the events and so took my baby’s little diary to the dining room in fear of disturbing my husband. I wrote down everything that was there to write and so became bored. I tried to go back to bed but ... I made. I went back to bed at 2am but had to wake up like every  15 minutes to either pee or poop with very little coming out.

My husband realised i was in labour just before 02:30 am I vomited 3 times between 2:40am and 4:00am.

We left home at 04:14, and got to the clinic at 04: 40. At this point I was checked at 7cm. The Midwife arrived at 04:55 and joined the nurse in preparing water for the birth. With no time to check the baby’s heart beat, I was put in the bath.

My water broke at the first push and the baby was fully out at 05:03 on the 5th of Dec after 3 pushes.  He weighed 3.820kg, was 53cm and head was 37cm.

We Thank God for baby Sidney.

39 weeks and still going

I would not like to load this page with pregnancy stories but ... Baby Sidney is taking too long to come out. The wait started at 37 weeks (full term) and intensified at 38 weeks. Shanon and Stacey were born just after 38 weeks and so we thought lil man shall be born around then also. However, it looks like he has chosen to pair with Synclaire who was overdue.
But like his daddy has said, let him come out when God and him are ready.
To be honest pregnancy is the most amazing thing and I do not mind feeling pregnant. All the pains and sleepless nights are worth it at the end. Imagine how quiet our house would have been without our lil bees. Imagine how boring our lives would have been and imagine how rich we would have been. At the moment, the house is busy, our lives are entertaining and we are very wealthy.

We love ypur and are all waiting for you baby Sidney.

My Cake with the right mixture but wrong mix

OMG I baked this plain cake that turned out to be so plain. On Tuuesday when I got back home from work, I felt like baking. I have never been good with the Oven but hey! What can a woman do?
I decided to bake a cake using the following recipes;

Flour - 4 cups
butter - 8 tablespoons scoops
eggs - 6
salt - 1 teaspoon
milk - 2 cups
sugar - 2 cups
baking powder - 4 teaspoons
nutmeg - 2 teaspoons

Guess how I went about it?
I mixed the sugar, eggs, butter, milk together in one bowl and then flour, nutmeg, salt, and baking powder in another.
What a dump thing to mix milk, unmelted butter, sugar and eggs together? How did I hope to get the butter smooth? Really there was no way out given that I do not have a mixer.

Using common sense, I had to add the powderish mixture to the liquid mixture. it took alot of effort to do it but eventually we had a smooth cakish mixture.
Eating the cake, it is just the best thing I have ever baked.

Yes sometimes mistakes are not mistakes at all.

My life in October 2011

It is hard to believe it myself but yes I shall soon be a mother of four. I cannot tell you how it feels but I look forward to strength from God to overcome the challenges.
In April  2004, I went to get my womb tied because I wanted nothing to do with babies. I had just met this young Master student who so much wanted us to get married and have kids. In fact he seemed to have wanted kids more than marriage. In frustration, I decided to get my womb tied. The delay from my doctor's reluctance; for he thought I was too young and the price delayed me to change my mind just a few months after seeing the doctor. I fell pregnant in July of the same year.

In April 2005, I heard the cry of my own off-spring. How funny. After being pregnant 6 times (2 miscarriages on the 2nd of March at 11 weeks 5 days and on the 22nd of July 2011 at 8 weeks 5 days), I am soon to be a mother of 4 beautiful babies; Shanon 2005, Stacey 2007, Synclare 2009 and Sidney 2011.

How else can I thank God? Please tell me.

Want to tell your story? Write to me and I shall publish it.